Fearless Then, Fearless Now
Authors note: I would have it that everything I shared could be on a joyful note and for that reason I move back and forth to previous essays from brighter moments. At the same time as my Blog expands and grows I see that honesty and inspiration must follow its own path and that each entry has its own story, and its own lesson. I appreciate any and all feedback from my faithful (THANK YOU ALL) readers as I hope to inspire you as well as be inspired in return!
October 16, 2014
185 Nogal Canyon Road
Bent, New Mexico
Fearless Then, Fearless Now
Thirty six years ago I got into my car and drove west, fearless of what was ahead of me even if I was a little nervous about the journey. There was certainly nothing that was going to stop me, not even when my car blew up in Illinois. I sold it for $200.00 and bought a backpack, and I continued west, never to go back to the east coast except for an occasional visit. I had already promised myself a better life than the one I envisioned there and it was a promise I meant to keep.
I have kept that promise. That fearless young woman found her way through a lot of challenges since that time and for the most part she has remained true to herself. Even in the face of hardship she always found her way out and although her definition of fearlessness evolved over the years and imposed a greater sense of caution as time went on it has also empowered her. The greater the successes in our lives the more faith we come to have in ourselves and our abilities. Too, if we choose to, we develop other strengths through our failures and we learn what not to do again in the process.
What not to do is to allow our less than ideal circumstances to become a constant. It is in the face of adversity where we are most tested and we cannot allow ourselves to become burdened to the point we feel unable to change them. Having been there and done that, through abusive relationships to addictions which are so easily one and the same, the requirement of fearlessness was the key to change. By definition my sense of fearlessness was a realization that the known factors in my life were more frightening than the unknown. It has always worked for me, at least until now.
Age brings with it, for most of us, a greater sense of caution. It leads us to weigh the consequences a little longer than we did in our youth and begins to push back against the spontaneity which led us to so many of those decisions. I have always been spontaneous and being ever the gypsy have fled in the face of anything which hindered my freedom or happiness. My resume has suffered from that for my choices have led me down many different roads since my virgin flight west, but almost all of them have been good ones. Why worry now?
Why worry now except that I know the taste of poor choices and the challenge of finding another good job, especially one which pays well. It is more than that though; it is the desire to not have to have a job but to be able to support myself independently. I can do the latter but one of the prerequisites is to reduce my debt, which I am doing very well at this moment. I am finally in a place where I am covering all the bases I have set out to do and if it isn’t optimal, it still works. It is this I am hinging my efforts off of now and once more I have the same goal in mind I had thirty nine years ago. I intend to live the rest of my life as joyfully and as a well as I possibly can. I am not going to allow the constraints of society or necessity to guide my choices or my direction. This is my life to live and to live as I please and there should be no reason for me to be fearful of the consequences of that, I have never allowed it in the past. Perhaps the rules and the challenges have changed, I have lost my youthful innocence along the way and I know the dangers I once could disregard, but I am still fearless.
What comes to mind is yet another life lesson which speaks to the uses of adversity. I have been challenged before as I have been challenged now and I have always gained from the experience. In spite of the struggles I have faced in trying to meet the requirements of my own standards I have also grown through the process. Where I once would have fled I have instead faced the problems and made the best of what I have. I am stronger and wiser for having done so and it has led me to place an even higher value on all my future goals. Rather than being fearful of the known, or the unknown, I am instead focused on the fulfillment of my dreams. It has given me the strength to see this through. It is a good lesson and it leaves so little to be afraid of!