The Serenity Returns
August 26, 2016
Nogal Canyon Road
Bent, New Mexico
The Serenity Returns
The serenity returned to me somewhere late in the night or early morning. It came with the rain, soft and steady and brought a cool wet breeze in through my windows. It sent me back to sleep, snuggled deep into the blankets of my bed with a smile, it was good. It returned again before the dawn, with no flicker of morning light but sang into life on the howls of the coyote. I smiled again, and lay still to savor the peacefulness and then, out of the stillness, came the first high echo of the elks bugle, the song of fall. I didn’t move lest I miss the second whistle, which came shortly after.
I found it again on the edge of dawn, the sliver of the moon and the wing of a cloud. I captured it in my mind before I ever took the picture, but it was there as it so rarely is. We can see such moments, and feel them in our hearts, even capture them in words, but so rarely can a photo do the same, but sometimes it does.
By 6:15 I was feeding the horses as the sun brightened the sky even if I still needed the lights on my truck. The ducks flew in quietly and I found myself whispering as well, softly warning the colts to stay back lest they trample me, unwilling to yell out loud. I caught that too and realized it was because I couldn’t bear to break the stillness, the serenity was too complete. Even the horses sensed it and went about their ordering without voicing their aggression; the air was too quiet for even that.
Something made a subtle shift yesterday, and so did I. I took pause where I might have taken action, and I allowed myself the freedom which my life now requires. I also cried, finally, something I so rarely allow myself to do but also understand that sometimes I must. I let something go yesterday and put behind me that which has too long been in front. By doing so I allowed the serenity to return and realized again that the crisis in someone else’s life does not have to be my own. It isn’t that I don’t care but that I care more about me, as it should be. We all get to choose, I have chosen.
The serenity returned to me somewhere in the night, and it was good. The air cooled just a little more and summer has started to slip away. She hasn’t left quite yet but she is preparing to do so. I can feel the pull of necessity and just last night began to build a wood box. I have put it off for years but if I am to spend another winter here I would like to have one. I will finish it soon, before I cut my wood. I am settling in a little deeper, preparing for the storms that are sure to come, with the knowledge also I can weather them well. I will miss my friend, and the times we have shared but he has chosen a path I cannot follow. The serenity returns, and it will be the comfort I need to move on.