How Would I

mescalero-morning

October 13, 2016

Bohemian Grace

Nogal Canyon

Bent, New Mexico

 

How Would I

 

How would I choose to recall this day, when I may well reflect on it a year, or even years from now? I look back often, having chronicled my life in my near daily reflections. I look back not so much to reminisce as to reflect on where I was and which lessons I was learning, and I glean whatever positives I can find from those that I may progress further going forward. Otherwise I ask myself, when I find the darker or sadder thoughts, how can I or how have I improved on that. I am quite certain I have managed to grow and survive because of that practice and I need only reach back a year ago to be assured of it. My faithful followers could also affirm that also, they have shared those reflections with me and I can only hope we have learned together!

 

How would I choose to recall this day and what will I need to do to assure it is notable. I see where this statement alone, this question, could well be the way to begin each day that I might strive to make more of it than it otherwise would be. I will notate this as a day in which I wrote and reflected on the same, making my efforts towards the writing richer in itself, as it will be shared. I will also recall the moments before the dawn when the thunder and lightning carried the rain across the canyon, wakened me with its rattle on the roof, and then departed. I might have missed that if I was living in a house but the metal roof of my bus resounded with the downpour. I am glad that it did, I love the storms and how unusual it is to have a thunderstorm at dawn in mid-October. There was still lighting when I went outside, an hour later, flashing in the nearly cloudless sky. Such wonders to waken to!

 

I will recall also the thrill that went through me when the first cool breeze, still moisture laden from the rain, caressed my cheek when I stepped out to feed the horses, the morning still dark. How can I describe that but to say it was as if a human hand caressed my face and the thrill was no less touching, and it warmed my spirit with its gentleness. I spoke a word of thanks before I moved on, taking pause to savor the emotion. If this is a product of my solitude then all is well with me. I find joy in the simplest of things and without any distractions they surround me all the time. I found the same wonder with the dawn when the first light illuminated the then solitary cloud which peaked gently over the mountain top. I captured it on film before it bloomed further, poetry in motion.

 

One of my dearest friends asked me a question yesterday afternoon. We were reflecting on the simplicity of my life in comparison to his and how he envied it to some degree but had no desire to sacrifice his personal comforts either. He queried, “How did you come to live in a school bus?” I explained that I had a house, but it is an hour away from where I work and too far to drive each day. I told how I had arrived here in an RV which soon proved to leak profusely and that I, who has lived so close to the elements for years suffered greater discomfort in those few days than I had ever in memory. The bus was already available but unimproved and as soon as my son could remove the seats I moved into it, bare bones but safe and dry! Four years later I have a castle of sorts and it is easier to heat than any other dwelling I have ever lived in, and equally as comfortable also. If not for the confines of the limited space and the low slung windows I could envision it as a permanent dwelling. I could go on but this isn’t about my bus…………

 

What I wish to recall about this day is that I have been reminded of my good fortune to have chosen such a simple life, even if others might find so little to envy. I set a goal for myself as a very young woman, that I would keep my life simple and savor each day to its fullest. I do not always practice this, or even have the opportunity to do so but in so many ways I have the freedom to accomplish that. My priorities have not changed much since my youth, only my obligations! The things which bring me the most pleasure are immaterial, they are the thunder and the rain, the sunrise and sunset and the simple comforts of staying warm and dry and good food. I have yet to understand why it takes so much effort to attain those things but I, as everyone else, am tangled in the web of necessity. It is my primary focus at this moment to be disentangled from the same, and to simplify my life even further from here on.

 

My friend reminded me of the fact that my life is unique in comparison to his and most other peoples. In spite of having written about the same for all the years I can recall I still forget that. What others sometimes marvel at is for me the only way to be, and I have remained true to that principle. It is also worth sharing and as I told my friend as we ended our conversation, he might be just a little happier if he took pause for a moment and reflected on how little he really required to meet his necessities. Even I have to do that on occasion, but I am getting better at that also. How else would I wish to recall my life?

3 responses to “How Would I”

  1. agapejacqui says :

    So much stands out in this post that begs for comment. But more so for: “My priorities have not changed much since my youth, only my obligations.”

    Listening to my Mindful Self Compassion teacher last night, I wrote these words: “Obligation will take you to places that you may not normally go.” He went on to say that “the aversion to putting ourselves first, comes into balance over time. It evolves.”

    What I recognize in your writing is that you appear to have an acceptance to life in the present moment. (Something that I strive for!) And I also see that you have become (perhaps always have been) clear on what it is that you require from day to day.

    For me, what each of us gets to glean from this gift of your writing and sharing is…when we break things down to the most common denominator, is that simplicity is key. Our needs are not so much THINGS but substance in the form of gratitude, love, compassion and so much more…all free to give as well as receive!

    • cathieeisen says :

      Jacqui,

      Just read everything on your Blog, how well written and insightful they are!!! Could not find a way to comment? Wanted to thank you for all your insight!

      Cathie

  2. cathieeisen says :

    Jacqui,

    I so appreciate your feedback and the affirmations, it is the greatest reward for sharing and what I too require to stay on task! I wonder sometimes that my musings might be too personal and then…………you or someone else replies or I go to open mike and realize that every song reflects the same. We are all in our own unique way seeking that peacefulness, the serenity which we would hope to define our lives if we can only grasp it………and sometimes just going with the flow we realize just how lovely the scenery is!

    Thank you !
    Love, Cathie

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