October 26, 2016
Nogal Canyon Road
Bent, New Mexico
My days are guided by the travails of the sun, the beginning and the ending of her journey. I awaken and depart before her glow touches the mountaintops and arrive back home well after dusk. This morning I gazed out the door of the outhouse at the twinkle of the stars and watched one fall from the sky, a good sign from the heavens. I saw two just nights ago when I took pause beneath the horizon on the far distant plain, mesmerized by the silence. It has been months since I have seen one and now the blessings are falling all around me. One should not discuss her wishes so I will suffice to say they were very simple as there is so little I require at this moment. I am satisfied to wait and see what the universe holds in store and I am back on the path of my destiny.
Why the change of heart? There has rarely been so much opportunity for me to utilize and yet by the very circumstance of the same I am prepared to concede. The past two months have seen me on the road as often as I have been home and I have had to be mindful of my efforts. In the same breath I have found stillness in distant places, and I need this more than anything else. It is the same wonder that can only be found at first light, or in the passage of the same. I see now where I require far more of this than I have allowed myself for years, and nothing else is more important.
I sought to define first light this morning and found it to be without a definition, it too subjective for that. While I have always spoke to the moment when it first illuminated the peak of the Carrizo so I see it differently from the canyon. From here it appears as a blue haze on the mountaintops and grows slowly as I make my rounds through the pastures. At the first gate it is absent and I can barely distinguish between the colors of the buckets. By the second gate I can tell red from blue, though I still work under the cover of darkness. When I return to the first gate the sky is lighter, and the ducks begin to arrive, a raven passes silently as well.
Twenty minutes later I am driving up the road as the first pink blush touches the clouds. I am to work before sunrise. I am living for the moment when I will watch the sunrise from my window, rather than my job. I am waiting for the day when I can saddle my horse before the darkness overtakes me, and ride until the sun sets. If it takes me a little longer to pay off my debts so be it, my time is more precious than that. If I do not live for the moment then it will pass before I do. I am living for first light, and it is good. Wish granted.