Day Twenty Four 2017 Balance

cruces

January 24, 2017

Motel Century 21

Las Cruces, New Mexico

 

Day Twenty Four 2017 Balance

 

How then does one maintain their balance between necessity and pleasure? It seems the necessity will always rule, as it must. Without the essentials we have no means to live and prosper and there is little room for play if our needs are not met first, nor the comforts to do so. Even I, who lives so simply and has, for the most part, provided well for myself, at least by my own measure, finds it difficult to break loose as I would wish to. Having done so completely in the past I have a clear measure also, I know what freedom tastes like and because of that I suppose I yearn for it as much if not more than anyone else.

 

Still yet, there is so little to complain about when I consider the challenges I have faced to attain these means also. I have had my freedom, in great measures, and I would not trade it for any sort of wealth or other pleasures, but I have struggled as well. Where others may have chosen a far less challenging path I have wandered more than one wilderness in my life before I found my balance also. Convention failed me at an early age, before I was even prepared to make the choice, though I also embraced the alternatives. It left me with the same measure of choice which I have treasured, even if at times it was also quite daunting. Who would have ever thought a person could have too many choices to chose from, or that the same could appear as a gaping void rather than an opportunity?

 

I have little envy for those who have lived more structured lives except perhaps that many of my peers, who chose that path, are now beginning to retire. I might have done the same if I had lived differently except that I took those opportunities early instead and am now making up for them. I may well have to work a few more years and will always, for as long as I am able, have to support myself for the most part. I am quite fine with that, there are many things I can do to meet that demand, and without punching a clock in the process. For the moment I am employed and grateful to be so, but I would love to have more freedom, as always! Hah, my faithful followers have heard this all before, it is my favorite whine!

 

It is the balance I am still working on, and having so recently taken a step in that direction, so I am trying to realign my sights on the same. Having a week away to go to school, when I might well have stayed at work to deal with the many necessities of the moment, is what brings it all back into perspective. If I have always been driven to achieve my immediate goals I am still much that same person. The flurry of the past few weeks is never clearer than when I remove myself from the same and I have to pace myself better going forward. It is simply not my nature to do so! All the same I will make the necessary adjustments because I am not being fair to myself and I am no more capable of bearing that level of stress than I have been in the past.

 

Instead I reflect on the peacefulness and serenity I discovered when I stepped off into the wilderness some seven plus years ago, and how quickly it returned me to the balance I had been lacking. When I drove over the Organ Pass into Las Cruces last Sunday night I recalled the same and how the glow of the city lights below me stood in such stark contrast from where I had been just days before. I had little desire to return to them, even if I also looked forward to seeing my associates. I have been making this same drive every year for seventeen years and cannot recall missing a single one since I began my Water/Wastewater career. It was here in so many ways that I began that journey! There have been so many changes since then! Now, as I work my way through the fifty eighth year of my life I have to reflect again on where I really wish to be and how I can best arrive there! It is that same peacefulness I seek and I am close to it for certain, but need to balance my life to reach it as well.

 

Driving in from Fort Sumner, and summiting the pass, I found again that deep desire for the stillness of the wilderness. There is something in my deepest nature which thrives on that, and the lack of distraction which comes with it. Certainly there are things to capture my attention, but they are simple things, the sun and the sky, the wind and the rain………

Without those, and the opportunity to embrace them, and the lack of interference with that interface, I am lost to myself, no matter how productive I might be otherwise. This is an essential part of my existence which I have understood about myself from the time I was old enough to consider such things. I have remained true to that promise I made to myself to never allow anything to interfere with that either. I just simply need to keep it balanced!

 

All is well with me today!

 

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