Authors Note: It seems that January 31 has always been a good day to write. It continues to do so! The archives say it all.
January 31, 2017
Fort Sumner, New Mexico
Day Thirty One 2017 Small Fires
There is something I need to do for myself. I see where it is extremely important that I begin this practice and to follow that path hereafter. I have already done myself a great disservice and sacrificed that which I have always deemed essential by not making a practice of it. I need to do this not only for my happiness but to preserve the very core of my being. If I do not begin now I am in even deeper trouble than I already am and it will become increasingly difficult to heal myself. Not that I could not risk it, I have already been assured that I can be healed, but it would be foolish to attempt that.
I need to go to the desert each evening, or whenever at all possible. I need to find a good sitting place, somewhere out of the wind. Perhaps there is an arroya somewhere, in fact there is and it is close by. Whenever possible though I need to go a bit further, someplace away from town where I will hear no dogs or people; that too is important. This is much of the problem, I can ‘always’ hear the dogs and the traffic, though the dogs are the worst. I can live with the train, it is somehow so transient, and so a part of the whole of things that I can even get some thrill in its passing. The train is ok, but I cannot seem to cancel out the rest. I will have to drive a mile or two out of town but that’s ok, I have time enough for that.
Once I find this place I will have to gather a little wood, but that too will be easy. The kindling will come from the smaller branches and weeds and there is mesquite everywhere. I will collect a few larger branches and build a small fire. If there are any sand burrs nearby I will burn them first, always. With the effort completed I will sit and watch the flames, casting an occasional glance towards the sky so as to not miss the sunset. Though I won’t stay so long that I will need to pick my way back in the darkness I will stay long enough, and I know it will be difficult to leave. I will be mesmerized by the peacefulness and the fire and I will find my self restored to my true self. It will change everything in the moment I begin and for as long as I continue to return it will bring other changes also.
The sad part I that I have known this all along and as with so many other things I have not done it. If I ponder my health and my happiness daily I also ignore it more often than not. It isn’t that it is not important to me, for it is, it is that I allow myself to become so distracted I just forget. I have forgotten much too often and I see now where I might become so forgetful as to never remember, or to make the small effort to begin the practice. It is just a small fire I am speaking of! I would be so foolish not to build one.