Small Fires

 

small-fires

Authors Note: It seems that January 31 has always been a good day to write. It continues to do so! The archives say it all.

January 31, 2017

Bohemian Grace

Coyote Road

Fort Sumner, New Mexico

 

Day Thirty One 2017 Small Fires

 

There is something I need to do for myself. I see where it is extremely important that I begin this practice and to follow that path hereafter. I have already done myself a great disservice and sacrificed that which I have always deemed essential by not making a practice of it. I need to do this not only for my happiness but to preserve the very core of my being. If I do not begin now I am in even deeper trouble than I already am and it will become increasingly difficult to heal myself. Not that I could not risk it, I have already been assured that I can be healed, but it would be foolish to attempt that.

 

I need to go to the desert each evening, or whenever at all possible. I need to find a good sitting place, somewhere out of the wind. Perhaps there is an arroya somewhere, in fact there is and it is close by. Whenever possible though I need to go a bit further, someplace away from town where I will hear no dogs or people; that too is important. This is much of the problem, I can ‘always’ hear the dogs and the traffic, though the dogs are the worst. I can live with the train, it is somehow so transient, and so a part of the whole of things that I can even get some thrill in its passing. The train is ok, but I cannot seem to cancel out the rest. I will have to drive a mile or two out of town but that’s ok, I have time enough for that.

 

Once I find this place I will have to gather a little wood, but that too will be easy. The kindling will come from the smaller branches and weeds and there is mesquite everywhere. I will collect a few larger branches and build a small fire. If there are any sand burrs nearby I will burn them first, always. With the effort completed I will sit and watch the flames, casting an occasional glance towards the sky so as to not miss the sunset. Though I won’t stay so long that I will need to pick my way back in the darkness I will stay long enough, and I know it will be difficult to leave. I will be mesmerized by the peacefulness and the fire and I will find my self restored to my true self. It will change everything in the moment I begin and for as long as I continue to return it will bring other changes also.

 

The sad part I that I have known this all along and as with so many other things I have not done it. If I ponder my health and my happiness daily I also ignore it more often than not. It isn’t that it is not important to me, for it is, it is that I allow myself to become so distracted I just forget. I have forgotten much too often and I see now where I might become so forgetful as to never remember, or to make the small effort to begin the practice. It is just a small fire I am speaking of! I would be so foolish not to build one.

 

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