July 25, 2017
Vera Cruz, New Mexico
Once again I wake at dawn before the sun crests the mountains. I do not hesitate to rise as the joy of the dawn draws me out. I have no wish to miss it and I am never disappointed. The sun finds her way joyfully as she dances across the mountainsides and sweeps across the valley. The ravens make their morning flight and the dove coo quietly from the trees. Dawn in Nogal is always precious and I am out the door before I am even fully awake.
I have begun to say a morning prayer also, in gratefulness as well as for restoration. If my spirit is far from empty neither is she full and the healing process is a gradual one. I have never been able to walk in spirit and the modern world with full balance. When I am in spirit I am open and free but so vulnerable also. My senses are heightened and therefor sensitive to every interruption or threat. There are too many of those. If I am closer to a balance now I am still unwilling and unable to cross the boundaries with ease.
It is only here and in like places where I can disarm and bare myself to the universe. It is why I stay when I can, and why I live as I do. It is all returning to me now and I have taken to this morning prayer, again. I lift my arms to the dawn, palms turned upward, open to the new day and all she has to offer. I stand quietly and feel the richness as it surrounds me. This morning the breeze ran across my palms like a caress, steady and soft. It was amazing to feel how it flowed into my body and filled me with spirit and I had no desire to break the spell. I stood very still, quivering from the richness of it.
This then is true restoration. I am immersing myself in the process before I do anything else. If I will have to make more choices going forward for now I am still, there is much work to be done on myself. If I have learned anything it is that I must protect and preserve the depths of my soul. I must also honor them. I have no regrets for the past six years but neither do I wish to repeat them. I will go forward from here. I will be patient and take the time to listen instead of pushing forward as I have been. Now is the time for myself, everything else will simply have to wait!