There Comes A Time

The Raven

September 1, 2017

Nogal House

Vera Cruz, New Mexico

 

There Comes A Time

 

Such a year this has been! I have made so many of the changes I had hoped to make, not so much in the order I had envisioned, but changes all the same. If there was no intention to return here the transition was a good one and now that my feet are back on the ground I can see its full value. I have no desire to consider what the alternatives might have been. I came here out of necessity in more ways that I had known. If the restoration is not yet complete it is closer each day. If for the first few weeks I struggled terribly there was no desire to alter the facts. Now, after three months, I am assured that I have turned yet another corner in my life.

 

Out of necessity I have been contemplating future endeavors and even went so far as applying for potential employment. That option has been the least appealing of the choices, but also a viable one. For that same reason amongst others, I ventured forth to the ITCA Tribal Summit in Isleta this week. There again is another potential source of employment, as well as a chance to network with representatives from RCAC, the organization where I applied. There too were my peers, who are doing the same work as I have proposed, as contractors with ITCA as well as independently. They are all very successful and I admire their skill sets as much as I do their devotion. I also have some desire to emulate their skills, but not their lifestyles.

 

There comes a time and mine has arrived. I have battled these choices for my lifetime and spent so much of it moving between the two realms in search of the solutions. I have been the proverbial gypsy through it all, keeping my personal life simple and unfettered as while still working my way through as I must. I have been a devoted employee as well as living on the fringe. I have eked out a living with the bare essentials and I have made a plentitude of money and lived quite well, at least by my standards! I have cratered and I have excelled. I have never failed to recover from the worst times, or stayed the course through the best. I have always retuned here in the end, as I have done again now.

 

If there was ever a time to decide what I wanted most out of my life it is now. There are a few tears in wait all of a sudden, such is the weight of the emotion. The desires remains unchanged. Having stepped away for three days the return here is an assurance I am living as I wish, with very few exceptions. The exceptions are external, ownership and income being the greatest. If this place was my own the rest would be simple. I would pay my debts and necessities as I go and be done with the rest. I can do the same anyway and for the moment I shall. It is almost enough! I have set a goal professionally also. I need to make enough money to maintain myself and my commitments and I will do so accordingly. I will not make a full time commitment to anyone but instead apply my skills where and when they are required so as to meet my current needs. If I can make $500.00 a week I can hold my own…….

I had thought for a moment to take another job. The appeal of a steady check, benefits, and all the perks sounded appealing, and it is. I know I have the skills and ability to do it well, and even with some pleasure. I could even excel at it, and be well paid for my efforts. I would be paid to travel and to share my expertise. There would be airports and hotels, days on the road, restaurants and the endless cycle of that effort. Or I could stay here and build another fire, create my artwork and offer the same service as the need arose, which it will. If ITCA adds me to their list of ‘Subject Matter Experts’ there will be interim trainings for me to present to tribes across the states which I will gladly present. I can do the same under my own moniker also, when and where I chose. That, and a small water system or two, will be more than enough. And I can stay here.

 

There comes a time when all that matters is one’s own comfort and security. Never in my life have I had fewer needs or wants. I need to maintain my stability and to meet my obligations, which I will. I want to do the same. I also want a place where I know I will always be able to return to, as I have done here, with the assurance it will be there. I have ceased to consider the chance that I may have to leave here someday, but it is still a constant reality. It keeps me from applying the extra effort to better things also, and I would prefer to do that. I would like to find an alternative, but it can wait for now.

 

From this day forward I am going to dig a little deeper to find the means to stay and make it work as best as I can, without sacrificing my freedoms. I am not feeling too well so I will keep it simple for the moment. I will make a few plans and phone calls and then clean out my studio. If my energy prevails I will do some artwork, and my laundry. I will spend my day as simply and productively as I wish for each one going forward to be spent. I will make every effort to produce enough to perpetuate that effort, through outreach and creativity. I will think of today and not worry about tomorrow. I saw what I needed to see to make that decision, and the premise of it is sound. There is no reason for me to do it any differently, and it is time to make that work.

 

The raven greeted me this morning from his perch atop the windmill. I will watch for him tomorrow.

 

3 responses to “There Comes A Time”

  1. agapejacqui says :

    How interesting that you bring up raven in this post! Just last week, as I sat on my porch, I heard that familiar call and looked up into the cottenwood tree across the street and saw this majestic black/blue winged creature that we call raven! I wondered what significance this might have, so looked to Google for some inspiration. 🙂

    I found this: If raven bas come into your life; it’s most likely that something is about to transform your life. Whether positive or negative, total transformation is usually dramatic. And, so, Raven spirit can help guide you safely through the fray.

    Remember that Raven consumes the remains of other creatures, giving this bird the additional symbolic value of cleansing. Perhaps there is something old and unhealthy that you need to purge? Raven is a great helpmate for that. Raven is also an excellent teacher and guide. Let this sage master “call” to the quarters of creation with your intention.

    It sure brought much clarity for me at this time in my life! ❤

    • cathieeisen says :

      Dearest Jacqui,

      How I have missed your comments and wondered if there was some reason you had not been writing! Thank you as always for the ever present affirmations and insights, they are so very welcome and too often unshared! The raven has always been a powerful presence in my life and for years there was one perched on the windmill every morning. The Native people believe that they are relatives returned from the dead and I have often felt that Ronnie returned to me in that form.

      So too the raven has, as you say, come as a messenger, as I am sure he did the other day. I look for such symbolism, and affirmation, on a continual basis, and it is what keeps me connected when I might otherwise drift off track. I am so in transformation right now, as you will read in my next post! I see the great need to stay on task and to remain in the present while also preparing for the future so as to avoid the crisis which arises when necessity rules the day! I have to say that your insight strengthens that resolve and I have missed your responses to my posts.

      This is also why I post my musings. I believe that we all have gifts and they are meant to be shared. I know I have been graced by insight as I have removed so much of the distraction that surrounds most peoples lives. It also, selfishly, fills my solitude in an essential way and we all need to communicate one way or another! The feedback completes the circle! Many blessings to you my dear friend and thank you so much for being there and sharing your own experiences!

      Love, Cathie

      • agapejacqui says :

        YES, the transformation I’ve been experiencing has definitely caused me to become more silent of late. I’ve felt some sadness because of it, yet…it has been necessary to be silent and go within for a while. The “story” is long and perhaps I will tell it to you in a telephone conversation soon! 🙂

        My goal is to begin writing in my own blog soon and I believe that this too will “complete the circle”! Even in my silence, I trust that you feel the love and support that is always present – I so look forward to reading your posts!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: