A Blessed Day
September 28, 2017
Vera Cruz, New Mexico
A Blessed Day
This is a blessed day. I woke to the cloak of clouds and rain that seem to have no desire to dissipate. This is the third such day and yesterday was so wet I had to wave my efforts at the woodpile, and all else for that matter. Instead I welcomed the opportunity to hunker down by the fire and nearly finishing my final review of my book in preparation for a genuine effort to publish it. Later I split a little wood, went for a glorious walk and cut some leather to round out the day. My time was well spent and devoted solely to my own efforts, something which has been so absent in my life these past few years. I have no desire to relinquish that!
It has taken every bit of the last few months for me to even begin the restorative process and even now I am still in recovery. In fact, the issue at the moment is how to avert my past failures and stay the course going forward. If my goals and ambitions remain the same so do the reasons I have not fulfilled them and I must change that. As my previous approach failed to render the desired results I must now regroup and find another path! To do anything less is to fail miserably and I have no desire, or willingness to do so.
How am I approaching that? Very gradually! Having stepped away for three day and then having no desire to return I had to have a very deep discussion with myself as to how to remedy that. The remedy for the moment is a passive one, to stay back away from the worries and explore my approach from a comfortable seat, and the rain and fog have made that even easier! Rather than plunging forward I have stalled the effort, reassessed, prioritized and focused for a moment on my immediate needs; the wood pile, my words, my artwork………..I will cover the windows today in preparation for the oncoming winter.
Of course none of this makes the realities beyond my gate any less than what they are, but so they will wait also. Inevitably I will crash and burn financially and that was not the plan, but it is the outcome. I will also recover, as I have before, and my mind, body and spirit must be well for me to approach that, bottom line! Having accepted the fact that I have every desire to maintain the very simplicity I have surrounded myself with as opposed to rejoining the workforce on a fulltime basis I am making the adjustments also. Interestingly enough, my creativity depends on this as much as all my future prospects relies on the same! If I have been here before my perspective is far clearer than it was and I must take it in hand or sink.
I have in the past supplemented my income with my art, and have done so for all the years since I began production, in 1995. That was twenty two years ago! I have been successful also and even now am in the process of creation, having sold all but my most recent inventory, and some that I created years ago, as I have been digging through my possessions. This bodes well for my future though, realistically, I need to retail as much as I wholesale to make it a viable effort. Having touched on that also I am heartened by the results having sold a fair share in a brief span of time. I am now making the gradual transition to that effort, but doing so with great care. The concern has always been that the focus would rob the joy and spontaneity from the process. The same has gone for my writing, which I also need to market! I am also concerned about isolating myself, though these past few days have been most fruitful. Ideally I would set up shop on the weekend and sell from there and then retreat for the rest to my solitude. Or not, as the weekdays are slow enough anyway, I just have no desire to commit my time without some ensuing freedom to support it. These past few months have proven the merit of that and I fill my days well by myself.
So it is that this day is so blessed. I have recovered the calm demeanor I so require and absolved the frantic rush I was captured in. It is so easy to become focused on the effort of survival and to overlook the simplest factors of the same. It is, again, why I choose to live as I do!!! The very act of cutting wood reinforces the foundation of my existence; I work and I shall be warm! I drove to town the other day and bought groceries and gas, filled my water jugs and returned here with the assurance I could hunker down as I have and not even drive out my gate. And I was happy to do so! I could stay here another week and be fine! I have so little need or desire for anything more that the serenity I am currently surrounded by and it has healed me so quickly as well.
For this reason I will take but a tentative step in any other direction. Necessity rules that I must have an income and meet my debts. I have a commitment to do so and I will honor that, while ceasing to create any additional ones! Even I, as frugal I as I profess to be, so easily became entangled in the material pursuits, and it nearly caused my demise. If I knew better so I forgot also, and if I did not waste the efforts of these past six years so I squandered much of it also! It is only my good fortune that I amassed a great pile of wood and art materials that I can now realign myself with the things which will nourish my spirit and allow me to find the path forward I require.
What if I hadn’t done that? What if I hadn’t had this place to return to and instead had to immediately seek other employment and a place to live? What if I had not recorded my progress and penned a book of the finest adventure of my life, or at least one of them, and not had that to reflect on? Or even had my camper and chanced to camp for three days and recall the simple joy of the freedom which defined my life for the first of many years I lived as a gypsy with so few needs or wants? I might have perished, or lost my way, but I did not. Instead I wake to a blessed day and with the knowledge I will survive, I will be warm and safe through this coming winter, and I will, most importantly, be well with all of that! I can ask for nothing more! As if in answer the sun has broken through the clouds! All is well today.