Out The Door At Dawn

3 rivers sunrise

‘One needs to but practice wellness to be well!’

November 6, 2017

Bohemian Grace II

Three Rivers New Mexico

 

Out The Door At Dawn

 

I was out the door at dawn. I have languished all summer, waking in time to watch the sun make her walk in Nogal, but sleeping later than I should. There is a good excuse for that, perhaps, but so little justification. If I have worked most every day of the last six years, forced to wake early, I am still an early riser. I have slept late these past few months, simply because I could. Now I cannot!

 

In Nogal I am at a higher elevation and the mountains rise steeply to the east, blocking the first glow of the sunrise. Here, at Three Rivers, it does not. Instead I sit in the bottom of the basin and the Sacramento Mountains, crowned by Baldy (the Natives name for the back side of Sierra Blanca, the White Mountain) loom in the distance. The first light of dawn is spectacular here and the colors paint the sky the moment it begins to lighten. I cannot resist the allure of the same, and wake early because of it. I am out the door at dawn.

 

It is fortunate I braid my hair at night, and that I have no witnesses! If I will now set my clock a few minutes ahead I haven’ the time to coax and comb before I walk, the moments are too fleeting. Instead I wake early, peak out the window, and rush to dress and go. I have broken protocol and do not even make my bed, a habit since my childhood. I dress hurriedly, grab a water and my backpack and am out the door in moments, walking rapidly to the east. I cannot bear to do otherwise, though I do brush my teeth!

 

Today I was greeted by the waning moon, still bright in the sky when I started, neglected quickly for the sunrise. The orange and yellow tendrils rose to the sky, the clouds illuminated by their brilliance. If I have witnessed the most brilliant of sunrises, they each excel the last! I paused only to take a few pictures, unwilling to break the spell. The mysticism of such moments is too brief to do otherwise, and only some small fraction can be captured. I need it all, and then some.

 

So it is I take pause in this moment, already hours later. If I woke at 5:30 it has been three hours since, so fast does time fly past. So it seems with my lifetime, the years on the Plains already well behind me and the present so much less than then. Only now am I restored, though I have been healing all summer! My heart aches for so much of the same, the joy and the peacefulness the dawn brings, such as I have found in first light for more years than I recall. How I need for it to be a constant!

 

How does one attain this as she stumbles but not falls? How is it that with a goal so unchanging the path has twisted and turned, leading me astray even as I travel forward? I am not lost but neither am I found and if I have ever needed to clarify that this moment is the one! I am as close as I have ever been to reaching my goals and yet they evade me, and I can’t afford to fail. This is yet another turning point on that journey and if the road lays at my feet so the map is still not clear. I shall draw one yet today! Only yesterday I aspired for the same! The goal remains the same, and for that I am most fortunate.

 

If I cannot quote him word for word I can come close. Saul Bellow wrote a paragraph in ‘Humbolts Gift’ which has stayed with me for more years that I can count, some thirty something for certain. He spoke to a poets inspiration and said, ‘Its source was not from genius or madness but rather because the poet could cancel out the noise and the distraction and see through to the essence of things.’ So it is when one wakes early and rushes out the door. The sunrise is the epitome of the essence of things, the pure light and magic of the breaking day. It is the center of all possibilities and opportunities, the bringing of yet another day in this glorious life. Once we stand witness to it we cannot be distracted, its presence is too powerful.

 

Given that how can I ask for more? I have embraced the dawn, and she me. I have awakened with the first light and rushed to meet it. I have been again surrounded by wonder, just as I was and have been washed by the blood of the plains, in body and spirit. I have stood in the light, in the rain, and I have poured the pure essence of the earth, her thermal waters drawn from her depths, over my head and my body. I have stood naked in the wind and allowed it to dry my skin as it caressed me with its blessings, and known that it was good. Just as I have witnessed the glory of both dawn and sunset, and been enthralled by them both.

 

This then is the pure essence of things, waiting to greet us each and every day. How easily we forget this, distracted by the workings of the very minds that bear it witness! We forget, we languish, we cry and we whine that our lives so lack the things we desire the most, and continue on our quest for the same. Even I, as blessed and as free as anyone could wish to be, am so guilty of the same, and so often remind myself also! Fool that I am, that I might find the answer just outside my door, as I did this morning. I was out the door at dawn.

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