November 23, 2017
Vera Cruz, New Mexico
There is so much to be thankful for! Even my immediate comforts are enough, the warm fire, a good cup of coffee, the golden light of the sun on the hillside. Need I mention the ramparts to the north, rocky and steep but familiar to my feet, and my heart I must add. The ever present Carrizo to the west, and White Oaks beyond, let alone this shelter I call home. And I am here! I would wish to be nowhere else today and the very essence of my existence surrounds me. Having reestablished my presence in this place I have also restored myself to the woman I am when I am here. I have been gone for too long to ignore that.
I am thankful. Not just for my life, my breath and all the blessings of my existence but also for the life that has become. I think back on the log cabin in the Gap and how we lived there and I have replicated as much as I could. I have, in so many ways, lived that same life since I left there, minus the drama. I would in this moment return there now if I could change all that and turn back the clock, but I cannot. Instead I will honor the memory as I do, and keep the fire going from here. It is a blessed life as I know it.
I am enveloped in stillness at this moment, and care not to interrupt it. Even as I prepare for the possibility of leaving I am as content to stay. All the same there is the reality that change is good for me and if I am happy for the moment there is so much more to see. If I have thrived on adventure in the past I am hoping for more of that, if it be from this perch or one far distant. If I have always been drawn to the west the opportunity to explore it may be offered yet again. That I would hope to establish this same sense of place is a given. I will wish for nothing less.
There is so much to be thankful for! I am as thankful for what there is as I am for what there isn’t! There is the simply reality of my existence in which all my needs are met. And there is the ever present peacefulness, in the absence of chaos! It is better to be alone than to let that factor in and no need for something more. My feathers lie unruffled and my perch here is secure. Even the wind lays still this morning and it feels more like spring than winter. If not for the warmth of the fire I would leave the door ajar but it so easy to savor such comforts. The same surrounds me in such completeness.
Why want for anything else? I can envision the activity off in the distance and am grateful for its absence. The world is too complex for me, and always has been. Having removed myself from that I have found shelter, in all its completeness for the moment. If the barriers are thin they are safe from damage also, the distance is enough. The more I pare that down the happier I am! It is yet another lesson of maturity. Having struggled so hard to get here I have no willingness to change it, even as I venture forth again. Never have I been more thankful to know I have this here to return to and the more complete my efforts the more secure I feel.
Will I leave again as I have before. Will I, even after saying that I won’t, seek some other opportunity? It seems it has sought me out and if it is offered then I will go, but so I am sitting still and waiting. If it is meant to be so it will come to pass and if not there is nothing I might do to change that. It is better to be prepared, to put my house in order and wait on the will of heaven. What better plan than that, to have all things as they should be that I could leave with ease or stay in comfort? This in itself has been as valuable a lesson as any. In preparing to depart and making the effort to have things in order I have made it just as good to stay. It is another life lesson if you will! It gives me all the more to be thankful for.