December 30, 2017
Vera Cruz, New Mexico
I sit to write and the raven calls me outdoors! I hurry outside to greet him, he who roosts on the power pole to the east. He continues his call, running through his repertoire while I sneak a picture, from a greater distance this time, hoping not to disturb him. He stays a moment longer and departs, hopefully stirred by some other desire than my distant audience. I apologize anyway, hoping it wasn’t my presence that sent him on his way. His call drifts back to me as he flies, and I wonder what he said…………
I am somewhat restored today though still weaker than my usual. I woke at daybreak and was torn between the last threads of a joyful dream and the desire to watch the first light. I was already awake so I pursued the light. As always I was rewarded fully for the effort. The dawn was so beautiful that I was dressed and out the door before I stopped yawning. Wrapped warmly in my jacket I watched the first light touch the mountain peaks and begin her downward descent. I then turned to the east to say my morning prayer, the thankfulness enveloping me with the caress of the cool morning breeze. In answer a plane crested the mountains and the suns light illuminated it as it rose into the sky, glistening with the perfect angle, as the prisms of a crystal will do with the same. I admired it for a long moment before I ran for my camera, ever eager to capture such moments for eternity.
I took pictures, yes, but just as I seek to record the wonders of this life, the perfect instance, the soaring emotions, the raven in song, so often they escape me. Even as I watched the plane pierce the clouds in the clear morning sky and bemoaned its presence so I selfishly wish for technology to suffice for my whims. Though I am so fortunate to live so close to the elements and to glory in the grace of life itself I am greedy for more. If I am satisfied with the wonders of this universe and find such complete happiness in its presence I want to carry them with me also. I want and need to surround myself with the absolute silence and wonder of the breaking day. I wish to wear it as a cloak through the rest of it so that the very air which surrounds me be illuminated, twinkling silently with the joy of life itself. I want for nothing else!
I dreamt this morning of five cats, though I am not essentially a ‘cat’ person. But these were special cats, as I was trying to explain, imported from back east and not your common house cat. I was approaching my friend who was surrounded by these cats, who were tumbling at his feet. I was laughing and smiling in complete happiness, tipped back on my heels in total exuberance with a grin spread wide across my face. Even in my dreaming I was marveling at the joyfulness and could see the light which illuminated my presence, clear and glistening with the wonders of the moment. A minute later we were studying on the smallest of the cats, he who wasn’t quite perfect, oddly shaped and with clubbed feet, and expounding on his flaws. He was sitting on a stump and in that moment, after turning to look me in the eye, leapt into the air and turned a perfect summersault before he tumbled to the ground. I commented that he was exhibiting to us his great worth and talent and had seemingly understood every word of our discussion…………..and then I awoke.
It is the laughter which stays with me, the pure light and happiness of the moment. I want to laugh like that again! I want such joyfulness to be as much a part of my life as the joy and wonder I find upon waking and watching the sun make her walk across the hills. Even as I wandered my yard this morning I told myself the same and reminded myself that this is a requirement. If I have never intentionally severed such ties in my life so often I have sacrificed them or simply forgotten the practice. When I am here I have no choice, I am surrounded by beauty and grace. I am drawn out the door each morning and night as much out of desire as by necessity. If I want to have wood I must go gather it, if I want light I must go start the generator, and then turn it off as well. Even in the deepest cold I am always grateful for the requirement, it takes me out the door.
I have a view where I am moving to. I have parked my bus with the windows to the mountains, and the valley where the Rio Grande River runs. It is a lovely spot, for the moment, though the bus is quite confined. I never intended to live in the camper, though it will suffice for the moment. Still yet, I need more space and I will look for alternatives once I settle in. If it will be a challenge to replicate this spot I will look for the like of it, peaceful and serene, that I may maintain my balance as best I can. I know now the cost of allowing for anything less, and can no longer afford the sacrifice. I had to return here to be reminded of that, and will seek the same again.
I have been restored in so many ways, now it is for me to preserve that! If such peace of mind is so attainable here so I need set forth again to preserve that. I am grateful for the tug I feel to go south and west, or it would be more difficult! Knowing I can find the same serenity there, and that it is so in reach, assures me I’ll be fine. I have found some of the greatest happiness in my life in those plains and canyons and they are all within my reach. Even as I write my mind wanders back to an old homestead, tucked down in a draw just off the crest of the escarpment overlooking La Placitas. I am inclined to go find it once again. If the structure is decrepit I recall there were rooms that were still useable, and that is all I really need. The remoteness would suit me well and nobody ever goes there, so I would feel safe. Surely there was a well there also? If not there then somewhere like it, where I would have the same as here. It is something worth looking for……….