What I Would Have Missed

January 11, 2018

Nogal House

Vera Cruz, New Mexico

 

What I Would Have Missed

 

The things

I would have missed

If I had left here

Are too numerous

To count

The sun

The sky

The wind

The rain

The snow

This morning

And the still white cap

On the mountains

The bite

Of the wind

The warmth

Of the sun

On the morning

After

The storm

Are but

A fraction

Of the blessings

I’ve received

 

I would

Have missed

This time alone

To reflect

On the past

And the future

And all

Of the perspective

It has offered

The memories

Of years past

Viewed

From this same roost

And the dreams

I have formulated

And then

Chanced to live

All that

And more

By chance

I’ve received

 

I will be leaving

Soon enough

In search

Of new fortune

And adventure

But will take

With me

Everything

I might

Have missed

And will be

Far wealthier

For having had

The chance to stay

There is so much

I would have missed

If I had not.

 

What I would have missed if I had stayed to the south, or left sooner! I had not seen the snow this year, but for the remnants of the one, and only, other storm. I arrived here weeks ago to see the last vestiges still shadowed by the trees, the rest having melted. I have waited here for the storms that never came and did not see this one for what it became. I mistook clouds for smoke and rain for mist, and got snow! I watched the ground turn white and then clear again, to watch it snow once more. I woke to the heat of the fire and the clouds on the mountains, all my favorite things, and to write about it also. I reread every entry I have made since 2011 and found my life is good, and that I have followed my heart in the proper direction, even if I am alone. It could be worse you know, and it has been. I greet this day with so much to be thankful for, and I am glad to be here!

 

I will leave soon? I grow skeptical with the passage of the days and the lack of any changes. If I have been promised a job, neither am I working. Things can change so fast. Instead I have worked for myself and amassed hundreds of dollars of product, some of which I have already sold. I will create more of the same going forward, unless something changes. The phone has not rang and all I can do is wait. I am waiting, or not, and instead I watch the clouds. The sun peaks out, lights the hills, and retreats. The snow still clings to the peaks, and everything above seven thousand feet, or such is my guess. The Carrizo looks frigid compared to here! I will watch the clouds all day, from my window! They are dancing with the sun, lighting and then shadowing the mountains. I am filled with a childlike fascination I hope I never loose! For fourteen years I have watched the same view and it still amazes me!

 

What would I have missed but for this quiet solitude of my favorite perch? Certainly there are new adventures to be had, but they are waiting patiently. I spent the summer here and contemplated winter. Now I have burned a row of wood, and all of the juniper I had saved just for that. I have plenty more to be used if I need it. If I am readied to leave I could just as well stay, given the resources to do so. I might yet sell all of my art, but must wait another few weeks to be sure. Such incentive I have to create it, and one way or the other I will profit in the end. I would have missed the chance had I left and I am glad I got to stay. Though I bemoan the lack of organization on behalf of my perceived employer I can say my karma trumps that. I am supposed to be here or I would not be, and how happy that I am! They might marvel at my audacity, but you won’t hear me complain.

 

The sun and the clouds are walking the peaks, mesmerizing my attention. These are the simple joys I would have define my life, and for the moment I am living them. This has, in the end, been one of the better years just lived, and the beginning of a new one. I have begged for such an opportunity, clinging to days off for salvation, and now I have this! If I had worked harder I might have gone a year, if things change I still could. If the phone never rings I will be fine, if it does I am prepared. This then defines a success in itself, and if I had done things any different it would have altered the past. Better to see it to the future. I might have missed this.

 

I have learned to see delays as opportunities, and so often simple blessings. If I am slow to leave when I might have hurried, I attach a reason to the same. So often I am rewarded with some perceived affirmation, a meeting or a gift of one sort or another. If I had left any sooner or any later I would have missed it. Who am I to argue with the workings of the universe when it is better to follow her lead? I have yet to be led astray! I am seeing this from the same light, and a beautiful light it is. I am being patient, and filling my time as well as I possibly can. I have been rewarded for the effort! What I would have missed surely outweighs anything I might have received otherwise. Instead I am quite blessed!

 

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