August 4, 2019
Indian Divide, New Mexico
There is just today. I have no need to contemplate yesterday, nor to worry about tomorrow, though neither are far from my mind. The fact is, there is just today, to live, to breathe, and to find some sense of harmony in my life. This seems to be such a simple task, viewed from that perspective, but is also a challenge. That simple harmony I speak to is not always so easily attained, as valuable and precious as it is to my very existence. It also needs to be a greater priority than I have allowed it to be, and I would like to focus on that going forward.
What a perspective to view this life from for a change; ‘Just Today’. If I have ever decided to make this perspective an active part of my life, it has never appeared to me at quite this same angle. I live each day as fully as possible, as I have professed to live my life as well. The premise of living each day as if it was my last has always guided my choices, in hopes that I will have no regrets should I find my time is done. In my youthful travels this was a constant incentive, now it is even more critical and yet not always an immediate consideration. My goals have superseded that and the willingness to sacrifice my immediate happiness for the attainment of some greater sense of freedom somehow became the priority. Now, there is just today, and that same sense of freedom I have worked towards is as immediate as that. The choice is mine, as it always has been.
My dilemma is this; I have plan for the day which differs from what I might chose to do otherwise. I am gazing up the hillside and thinking I should go for a hike. I am as close to the wilderness here as a stones’ throw, it is just across the fence. The mountains touch my yard and the slopes rise from here. I can walk, as I always have, up into the canyons or seek the higher slopes, and have done so often. It would be a pleasant way to spend the morning, and there is a soft breeze to cool the air. Then there is the ranch, where I have planned to go, and which offers a nearly equal solace. I can go start the tractor, mow the fields, and savor that same cool breeze and the miles long views from my perch. It also takes less effort, though I need the exercise also. Either way I shall be content, though the latter is the most practical choice. If I am thriftier, as I have so often been, I will bring my chainsaw. I will cut a few pieces of wood before I come home, and the satisfaction of doing so will be worth the effort. I will get some much needed exercise, and the return, come winter, will be even better.
It is my good fortune that I have two choices which will both fulfill my needs. In fact, it will be best to leave it at that, so far as my plans go. Rather than complicate things, I would as soon keep it simple, just for today. The temptation is to look past that, to bring in the goals of the past and the prospects of the future, but neither applies for the moment. When I chose to walk away from my job I left a lot of things behind me, much more than the immediate challenges which turned my heart towards home. Not that those goals are not still on the horizon, but the approach, as well as the priorities, has been altered significantly. There is no reason to be concerned about how that will play out, at least not for today.
I am free to choose how I will live the rest of my life, including just living each day as it comes, which may well be the preference, at least for now. If I was to define one goal I have worked towards, it has been for the opportunity to do just that, with no other distractions. All I want to do is live for today. The requirement that I find the means to sustain that has never been a concern, as I am good at such things. The bigger stuff, not so much, but I will find a means to deal with those also. Each day, that has never been much of an issue unless I get to worrying about tomorrow, which is such a waste of the present. Perhaps that is why the thought of setting a clear destination has always been so daunting, I am too busy with the present moment to look that far ahead. I may just be better off not to do that, at least for just today. I should let the challenges come of their own accord, not create more in the interim.
Just for today, there is money in the bank, work to be done for which I will be paid, and plenty of materials to work with. If I simply stay the course I have been on I can go sell some artwork, collect some money and pay all of my immediate bills, without tapping into my meager reserves. If I could do that every month I would be fine, and the opportunity to do so is there, for today and every one beyond that. When I narrow the perspective down to that I have so much less to be concerned about, and I am much better off to do so. I have struggled with the long term prospects for years, and just for today, I will take pause. If there are stumbling blocks, they are still too distant to see, and they will arrive soon enough, so why hurry them?
At day break I faced the east, the mountains and the rising sun, and gave thanks for all of the blessings in my life. I was rewarded by the gentle touch of the breeze upon my skin, and the brightening of the sky as the sun tried to break through the clouds. I breathed in the fresh morning air and thought about how wonderful it was to simply be alive to greet another day. I looked out on the beauty of the mountains and the sky and thought about all of the blessings that surround me every moment of my life. Just for today I will do my best to simply remain in the moment and savor the fact that I am here to appreciate it. I will walk forward into the ever present beauty of my surroundings, and remind myself of all the things I have to be thankful for, which have remained such a constant in my life. I will leave the past where it belongs and not worry about the future. Just for today.